proud

There is finally a light at the end of a tunnel themed by vehement indignation and false forgiveness. Hope has taken over my heart, expelling the pessimism that has been woven into my heart by years and years of suffering and hatred. But before i get to far a head of myself i am reminded by my brothers and sisters that it is still too early to forgive and too early to let go of all the baggage that is slowing down the progress of an entire nation. We still enjoying the pain that segregation brought and allow it to dictate our futures instead o f being kings of our own destiny. Tragic i say!!!! Once again i find myself in a place that leaves me excluded and rejected as a black man (i think i was born in brown skin). Rejected because i do not share the sentiments of the majority that is punitive and vengeful. I say all this with Jonathan Jansen’s (the rector of the University of the Free State) speech in mind. The country’s reaction to his decision has according to me exposed once again the racialism the still grips the hearts of South Africans. And that leads me to the conclusion that Mr. Jansen’s decision is pure genius.

In his speech he says ‘I am inextricably part of the University of the Free State, and tonight I ask your forgiveness for what we have done. I apologize to every black person on this campus and in this province for our long history of exclusion and marginalization of black people within this institution. I have spent many nights in tears what we (yes, we) did to the five black workers of the University of the Free State. This institution begs your forgiveness.’ He then further says ‘I also feel compelled to say this to you tonight. Those four students, who committed that heinous act, are my students. If I may borrow from another leader, I cannot deny them, anymore than I cannot deny my own children. The four Reitz students are children of this country, they are youth of the province, and they are students of our university.
Black people in this country as well as organizations controlled by black people like COSATU, ANC youth league as well as the African National Congress itself haven’t hesitated to voice there disappointment and loss of confidence in the Jonathan Jansen. Ministers like Blade Nzimande who is the leader of the South African communist party driving a BMW worth R1.2million and others have asked for is dismissal and that his decision be reviewed. The country once again is in collective anger, disappointment, pain and unity on this matter. Petty, trivial excuses are raised in attempts to stay away from the opportunity of forgiving not just the four boys involved in these atrocious deeds but a the history they represent. Contrary to my personal opinion my brothers and sisters see this decision as another act of forgiveness that demonstrates weakness by the black person. The truth and reconciations is once remembered for having forced reconciation down black people’s throats. And I won’t forget how references have been made to Nelson Mandela’s speech and how premature his words were, which can be seen in the country’s current precarious racial status.
Jonathan Jansen’s words make proud. I’m proud to be black South African today. As a black man he’s demonstrated a quality, virtue that has the power to liberate. He’s ascended beyond the very white people who oppressed the nations. He embodies the ideologies that Steve Biko voiced of a conscious black people that can look the white man in the eyes as an equal. I say this with confidence but a feeling of shame creeps in as I’m reminded that accepting his words is not the black thing to do. i will admit that I do not agree with all the things that he has said because I do not know all the facts involved and I think that other south African have reacted rashly to his decision without even understand his position in what he has said.
Once again my quest to find my identity has been themed by mixed emotions, tears and rejection. I experience this rejection from black people as well as the white people who deny their privilege. The harsh reality that I need to deal with is that apartheid has affected people psychologically and that it will take more than just a speech to heal. But I want to remind the people that forgiveness does not only let the wrongdoers of the hook, it frees the forgiver from self imprisonment that keeps us captive the longer we hold on to the wrongs done to us. That is why I think it will take ages for black people to be absolutely free because they think that forgiveness is to aid the wrongdoer.